Violation #6

Another letter from Castlewood Ranch HOA. We are developing quite the intimate relationship.

#1 - July 2007 ... Remove the semi-truck from in front of your house.

Really? Okay .. those happen to be my movers .. so sorry it took them two days. Can I please just get the furniture out of the truck before moving it?

#2 Paint your house. Okay, but can I have an extension? Sure, you say.

#3 Move your basketball net to the top of your driveway instead of the bottom.

Okay, too bad the driveway is uphill. The kids love playing basketball that way. In fact, now they never use the thing.

#4 Paint your house. Okay, hired the painter.

#5 WE SAID PAINT YOUR HOUSE. Maybe you should give the weather man a violation because like I said, I have hired the painter. He is now a month behind because of all the rain (maybe you haven't noticed the rain)

... and yesterday's...

#6 Dead grass violation. Re-sod your entire front yard in the next 20 days. (btw .. it only took two weeks of hard work to get my grass green again. Yes, it's green and now matches my neighbor's)

Really? Because maybe I could save a lot of money by just using the water in the sprinkler system that I have installed.

Dearest HOA,

Thank you kindly for all of the friendly reminders for my responsibility in helping to 'maintain the architectural and aesthetic character of our community'. As these covenants only protect and enhance the value of all the property in the community.

Now, as I have given you the paperwork required to paint my house, you clearly see my intentions on painting the house. I can not control the weather. Apparently nor can I control the color I am to paint my house. I pose the question .. would it be okay to paint my house pink with purple trim? After all .. that is my favorite color. Is that outside the perimeters I have been given for choice of color?

It seems as if you aren't concerned about the aesthetics of our community just a street over. I get to look out my kitchen window every day to the newly painted puke pea-green house across the way. And least I do not have to see it every day but I do get the pleasure of occasionally driving past the newly colored peach home directly across the street from the pea house. Maybe that street has their own covenants?

Oh wait but then there is the house directly next to mine. Surely, we have the same standards? Perhaps it's aesthetically pleasing to the eye to watch the landscaping guy pee on the newly placed mulch in broad daylight. Maybe that's the new technique for keeping the weeds down.

Then just a few houses down we have the neighbor with a dirt backyard. Wasn't it part of our 'covenant' to sod our backyard within a year of it being built? I think my house is 6 years old. But then again, I shouldn't judge ..maybe theirs was just built last year.

Also, if you could just take a peek on the pea-green-house street and maybe see about moving the 500 campers lined on the streets. Aren't we all supposed to have our cars parked in our driveways and not the street? There's only one lane you can travel down that road on .. and it's the middle.

Thank you for being so attentive to my wonderfully aesthetically pleasing community. Next time you are doing a drive by, please pay no attention to me squatting in my front yard. It's all in the name of keeping the weeds under control.

Alana Wester

(oh and if you could please mail me a check for that excess of $500 that's in my account that you are earning interest on, that would be wonderful.)