Barely escaped .. death...

Just imagine ...

It's very late at night. (so okay, it's just 10:30). It's dark outside. A full moon.

The children are safely tucked away in their beds (to include dog). The teenage girl goes to use her bathroom. Was that a noise? Mom to confirm it wasn't a rabbit. Listen. Listen some more.

Footsteps. On the rocks ... outside. Um .. ? But wait, yet another set of footsteps. (pause. call my next door neighbor .. maybe they know. no answer. crap - they aren't home to save me) This is weird. Who is walking around outside in our back yard? Sit in the bathroom longer and listen .. quietly, in the dark. Mom and teenage daughter looking at each other... in a bit of a panic. Muffled voices. "Let's look out the window to see if we can see the murderers". Can't see anything .. except the swift movement of a flashlight. That's not right. More walking around. Shuffling, moving stuff around...

I know. We are about to die. The mass murder(ers) are right outside and for whatever reason .. they don't seem to care about being quiet. That must be because they are so confident in their ninja skills ... they probably already have one foot through the now smashed basement window.

We crawl ever so quietly down the stairs to my room (we wouldn't want THEM to know that WE know that THEY are out there). Grab the phone. Fortunately the lines haven't been cut yet.

Who .. who ... who at this time at night should we call for help? I know .... .... ..... SHAY AND FRANK!! Actually, the more I think about it ... the more I think that it must be FRANK in my back yard. Of course. That makes sense. Afterall, it was just two days before that he was out in that same area fixing a leak in the water valve. I KNOW .. he grabbed some back up and went back to my house - didn't want to disturb me ... so they went to the backyard to look at that leaky faucet again.

"Shay ... where is Frank?" Normally I wouldn't call Shay and that be the first question after she says hello. But she would OBVIOUSLY know why I asked. Oh, he's not the one in my backyard? Nope. I sneak downstairs and look out the front window. No cars. Unless he walked over with back-up - it would not be him. BUT NOW HE IS ON HIS WAY OVER.

Off the phone. Maybe they left. Back up to the bathroom. The freaking murderers are STILL walking around. What the heck? Maybe they aren't so skilled because they haven't figured out a way in YET.

"9-1-1 .. what's your emergency?"

In a whisper "I need the police to come get the badguys out of my backyard"

Quick like lightening .. they arrive. Mr. Policeman parks down the street and sneaks up to my house. Flashlight in tow. The footsteps stop. The murderers caught on and scurry away. Cop shines light all over back yard. Searches everywhere to include bushes. Nothing. Back in the front .. his three back up's are in their cars with a HUGE spotlight shining on every house .. it almost looked like daylight out. Frank is also now here.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Well, let me try my neighbor ONE more time. Well, uh ... Mr. Policeman .. I solved the mystery on my own. If you could just quietly turn off all those spotlights and get out of my other's neighbor's yard with the flashlight that would be great. Neighbors were outside turning off their water valve (it was going to freeze that night).

OH - that explains why they weren't tiptoeing.

OH - that explains why they didn't answer their phone.

OH - that explains EVERYTHING. They walked back in their house just as the cop rounded the corner to go into the backyard.

In our defense .. it did TOTALLY sound like it was in OUR backyard .. although, theirs is quite close.

Red in the face. "please everyone go home" .. Do I need to sign the "I am stupid form" before you leave?

What the heck are the neighbors out at freaking 10:30pm doing that for?

My pipes burst the next day. Maybe I should have joined them...