Dinner was cooked. Served. Eaten. House picked up (not cleaned). Perfect time to just lay on my bed on a Sunday evening and read a book. A rarity.
About 6 1/2 minutes into my book.. Eli plops on the bed next to me. I continue to read .. even if it got a bit 'bouncy'. He leaves and comes back with a styrofoam plate. I continue to read. Hops down and he gets a pen with the lid on. Back on the bed. More bouncy. Getting. Just. A. Tid. Bit. Annoyed.
Scratching sounds on the styrofoam plate. I say nothing. More poking on the plate. More scratching noises. I've read the same sentence five times.
"REALLY ELI .. THAT IS SO ANNOYING... CAN YOU PLEASE JUST QUIT???!!!"
"but mom, now the pen is stuck in the plate and I can't get it out"
Doesn't he realize I just want to FLIPPIN' read my book. I gently (not really) take the plate from his hands and ever so softly (not really) take that pen out of the plate.
..... he hops down to find something else to do.
Fast forward three hours later. I pick the plate up off my bedroom floor to throw it away.
I looked down and stopped. Actually my eyes started to water. It was salty water. Here's what I saw ...
In case it's hard to read .. it says "mom I love you".
I feel like a horrible, rotten, no good mother. My tears are two-fold. My rough, tough boy really does have a tender heart ... but I, his mother, is too self absorbed and missed a moment in time I can't ever get back.
I went into his room to tell him I love him back. He was already asleep. I kissed him and for a moment hoped he could hear me in his dreams telling him I love him more than the moon and back ...
4 comments:
Awww Alana... I think we're all guilty of missing moments like this. I know I am.
Don't be too hard on yourself friend!
So around 4pm today go up in your room and read your book...you finish the rest!!
awwww, now my eyes have tears...
I hate missing the tender moments...
oh honey you are so not alone at all. it totally reminds me of that story that i know you have heard or poem about how we will be more curteous to the stranger on the street when they bump into us than our child in the kitchen and ignore the flowers he has brought to find them later that evening with a note and the child already asleep. it happnes everyday to ALL of us. i pray every night that Heavenly Father will help me to catch these rare fleeting moments and cherrish them only to do the same thing again the very next day. salem had exasperated me yet again the other day and then after the
17th ..."mom" i very not so nicely said.. "what salem what ...salem salem salem what" and she happily said "i love you mom"...and yes how did i feel???? like a big fat shankapotomus.you are much too hard on your self..its hard enough being mom all the time but even harder to be both mom and dad for soooo long. its sucks. there is no time to savor the moments like that b/c we are so tired from the neccesary ones. from the look of Elis plate he knows and feels you love him or he wouldnt have that same feeling towards you and show it like that. you are a wonderful mother...dont let satan make you think otherwise! its ok to be good to your self every now and then just dont beat yoruslef up for it later! love ya friend!
Post a Comment