I haven't blogged in a few days. I have like blog-block. There's nothing exciting going on .. nothing traumatic going on ... no one's hurt .. no one got any awards... no one even got in trouble this week.
B-O-R-I-N-G
And this is the point that I should just walk away from the computer. My mind starts to wonder. To things that aren't important in the universe. For instance, right now .. my mind is thinking about my axx. I should just stop typing. Right now. But then I'm thinking about my rear again and it's really bothering me. ...
.... I have this hate-hate relationship with it. It's the largest thing on my body. It's all I see when I look in the mirror. I've spent probably the last 20+ years trying to tone, shape, lift, make it smaller ... nothing works. Seriously nothing. I actually have this unhealthy obsession with butts because of it. I look at everyone's butts (now you all know NOT to walk in front of me). The airport is the best place .. because there is such a variety of butts there. Flat, skinny, round, large, small and extra small. All kinds. (I especially like the xtra smalls) Everyone seems to possess the butt I would like to have. I see it ALL the time .. the butt I want. But it's not on me.
You know, I have been running now for 13 years. Serious running at times. Miles and miles and miles. I spent a year working out with weights at a gym. I have done spin now for 5 months. My legs can get super toned .. .my arms I can get hard... crunches keep my stomach from being soft. BUT NOTHING I CAN DO WILL MAKE MY ASS STOP JIGGLING. Nothing. And it's just plain annoying. It bounces ... waves to others from behind ... and collects cottage cheese.
Why do we even have them? What's the purpose of all that fat just hanging from behind? Cushion for sitting? I could use a pillow, no problem.
I am gathering my list of questions for my Maker .. if I ever get the chance to meet Him. If I had a brain that was more mature than age 12 .. I'm sure there are other earth shattering questions I could come up with. But for now .. this is at the top of the list. (well, that and why we can't detach our arms at night .. like have a hook to hang them on .. just while we sleep. they just get in the way at night .. I never know where to put them)
Hopefully someone does something real exciting soon in my family. Cause if not, I may just have to resort to blogging about my dead toenail.
9 comments:
You absolutely have a cute butt, and I've seen it in a bathing suit, and no I don't mean this in a creepy, why is she looking at my butt way, BUT have you heard of Brazilian Butt Lift techniques? I found myself mesmerized by an infomercial about some Brazilian dude that supposedly makes workouts for models. This article seems to have most of the moves they were showing on the screen:
http://www.fitnessmagazine.com/workout/butt/exercises/5-minute-brazilian-butt-workout/
Found these t-shirts online that say; "The bigger the chest, the better the booty" or "small chest, great booty" or the best, "mind if I look at your booty?"
There is nothing wrong with your butt.
NOW I'm self-conscious about walking in front of you! I know what I will do...draw a sexy butt and tape it on mine!!
You've got to be kidding. You have one of the cutest butts I've ever seen. Yep. I've noticed.
I was wondering if you ever tried to tone that thing... I mean, it's just HUGE and in the way and really an eye-sore. Please work harder on that, I get sick walking behind you. Thanks.
I totally know what you are talking about!!! In your life you get certain compliments and I NEVER once heard nice butt! I now work with a couple guys that are all about big butts. It has made me a lot less self conscience knowing that some people appreciate what I was gifted with. I figure that if I am obsessing about something like my butt, my life is pretty good. Look at this time as good news!!!
I totally know what you are talking about!!! In your life you get certain compliments and I NEVER once heard nice butt! I now work with a couple guys that are all about big butts. It has made me a lot less self conscience knowing that some people appreciate what I was gifted with. I figure that if I am obsessing about something like my butt, my life is pretty good. Look at this time as good news!!!
Your whole blog made me giggle, but when I got to the part about the arms I almost had water come out of my nose. Really, I should know better than to drink anything while reading your blog.
(I totally agree about arms at night, btw.)
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