fired up ...

So this is SURE to offend some of my LDS community friends. (but you know what I'm gonna say ... if you don't want to read it ...)

Probably.

I tend to be on the left side of the Church. I think most members lean towards the right. Mostly because it's 'safe'. A lot because if you question then perhaps your faith isn't that great. I've had some events in my life that has made me look at life .. and my faith differently. And I don't see this as a bad thing.

Love this quote ...

"An error made on your own is safer than the ten truths accepted on faith, because the first leaves you the means to correct it, but the second destroys your capacity to distinguish truth from error." -- Ayn Rand

Today. Hayley.

First of all .. I'm super proud of my girl. Truly. She's a strong willed, opinionated, stubborn girl. But I'm finally starting to see the benefits of these traits. It's not all bad.

Back to today. Church. I was sitting on the couch (shocker) when Hayley walked out of YW. Clearly distraught. Tears in her eyes. Angry tears.

So the lesson was on dating. Dating standards. What they should be. She took several things away from the lesson today that I'm not sure were the goal when someone was preparing that lesson.

One being she's not good and shouldn't be dating Jacob because he's not a "Mormon". Apparently if you aren't a Mormon .. then you can't have good standards. If you are dating a non-member .. you should stop that relationship. It will only lead to heart-ache down the road. Did you know that ONLY dating a member of the church will lead to happiness? Find a boy that's a member and you're set. Clearly Mormon boys are the only boys on the planet who are good enough. Who are good upstanding moral beings.

She was in tears as we drove home. Talking. Talking like she is well beyond her 16 years. Several brilliant, thought-provoking words came tumbling out. She was explaining to me that she believes in the Church. That she has a testimony in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. But in the same sentence said that if she didn't have that solid testimony that the words that she took to heart today would cause her never to return to church again.

That's sad.

Hayley said that we are constantly reminded to be Christ-like. To not be judgemental of others. "I don't get it mom. Isn't that like the MOST judgemental thing you can say? To say someone isn't worthy to date simply because they are NOT members of OUR church?". True.

More ... "isn't it taught mom that we are to be member missionaries? What better way .. than for me to date and be-friend others without the gospel. I mean, don't you think there have been lots of conversions just by association?"

Funny .. Sean dated a girl in high school who was the reason he investigated and joined the church. He's been a Bishop and is a High Priest. Go figure.

She was made to feel that if she does not date a member of the church ... she will not marry a member of the church ... therefore, she will not have a happy life.

A quote from her lesson that almost made her pick up her books and walk out of class was "I guarantee that if you marry a return missionary with standards, you WILL have a happy life"

"REALLY???" ... after that she said "what marriage is a guarantee mom? don't we all have free agency? who know if 15 years later that worthy return missionary won't leave the church? who can give foolish guarantee's like that?"

She was hot. Rightly so.

She has a point. A valid one. Jacob is one of the nicest, most caring and gentle boy I know. He treats Hayley like a girl should be treated. Just because he's not a Mormon doesn't mean he doesn't have good standards. Good morals. He respects Hayley in ways I only dreamed a teenage boy could.

"I thought you were supposed to feel uplifted and good after leaving church. I don't ever want to go back"

I don't blame her. How do I encourage her to go and participate when she's made to feel bad about decisions she has made. That aren't even bad decisions. Just a different choice then maybe someone else would make.

I fully understand why the lesson was taught. The leaders want the girls to keep their standards high and to date others with the same standards. To stay clean. To be pure. To make good choices. I get all that. Just the way it was presented to Hayley didn't sit well. She has also had different experiences that make her look at life maybe differently than the girl sitting next to her.

All I know .. is that I will continue to encourage my daughter to use the brain God gave her. To think about things and not blindly follow a teaching if she doesn't agree. To sort things in her brain .. to separate what makes sense and what doesn't. And why she feels that way.

Do I believe in the Church .. in the doctrines ... in the teachings? Of course I do. Do I believe in everything anyone teaches within the church? Absolutely not. Does it make me or Hayley bad people? Absolutely not. Maybe a bad Mormon, but not a bad person. Does God still love me and my daughter? I believe He does.

... on a lighter note. One of the suggestions they had was that you needed to come home from every date and talk to your parents about the date. Hayley "really? cause my mom is pretty grumpy if I come home and I wake her up. she just tells me to lock the door after I come in"

Yup... she's got some of me in her.

I like her.