Highlights of a session

Not that I air all my laundry on my blog (just my dirty stuff) ... so I won't get detailed ..


BUT ...


Some of it's too entertaining not to ..and what if I forget some of it in the future? That would suck.


Marriage Counseling. Can be a good thing. Can be an interesting thing. Can be a get-to-know-you thing. Can be a I-didn't-really-know-that-about-you thing.


The therapist is a trip. I like her. And then I don't like her. Then I do. Then I crinkle my eyebrows.


So a couple of basic highlights from ....


session #1 (all about first impressions)


Waiting room. She approaches. I forgot to ask Sean the name of who we are seeing. He's not there. Yet.


She asked me if I was there to see her. Hmmmm ...

me .. "well, I don't know. cause I don't know the name of who I am supposed to be seeing"

her .. "oh .. hmm ... "

me .. "so who are you supposed to be seeing?"
her .. "well, I can't tell you that"

I look at her in awkward silence. My eyes are so imaginarily rolled back into my head they are imaginarily getting stuck.

me ... "hmmm"

her ... "well maybe you could tell me your last name"

me .. . "Wester"

her ... "then yes, you are here to see me"

Walk into her office. Sit politely on couch. Where I really want to lay down. Disappointed it's not a chase lounger.

her .. "so is your husband not here?"

I didn't answer .. just looked to both sides ... and shrug shoulders.

her .. "well, is he coming?"

me .. "I don't know"

her .. "you don't know? do you two just NOT talk?"

Huh.

I feel uncomfortable and start to text Sean "where the HELL are you"

her .. "that IS your husband you are texting I assume?"
well .. it was until she said that .. then I furiously started texting someone else.

35 min later, Sean makes his entrance. Exhale.

(this is where we enter discussion that I won't discuss)

Towards the end... I look at clock. Start bouncing leg. Five more minutes.

her .. "on a scale with 100 being max for having anxiety .. you are about a 125. why are you moving?"

me .. "cause it's time to go"

her .. "I could tell from the first moment I saw you that you have anxiety issues"

(REALLY? .... REALLY?? .. perhaps because our very first encounter made me a BIT anxious)

leg really bouncing now.

her ... "are you on crack?"

me ... did she really JUST ask me that??? "uh .. NOOO"

her ... "are you on meth?"

me ... did she really JUST ask that TOO?? "uh .. NOOO .. why didn't you ask HIM that??"

leg is about out of control.

she looks at my leg.

I try to make it stop.

I look at clock.

her ... "do you have Parkinson's?"

me ... WHERE THE HELL AM I?? DID I JUST HEAR THAT RIGHT? I look at Sean .. perhaps for help. Yeah, no help there. More like his eyes are sparkling.

me ...."OF COURSE I DON'T. WHY WOULD YOU ASK ME THAT??"

then we pretend that never happened.

then ... we got to leave.


there's more ... we've been four times now...


and you're gonna be amused. and then you'll want her name so you can use her. and then I won't give it to you. cause I'm not allowed. she's not taking any new patients at the moment. i think cause I'm pretty much all she can handle.

but for now .. I gotta go .. cause my leg is bouncing...