On the journey of a rental car ...

I took my annual trip to Florida (which really turned out to be my SEMI-annual trip this year) late in August.  It was another two-fold trip.  Another wedding (DARN THE BAD LUCK) ... and of course, WHILE I'm there .. my visit to Patrick.  Scalleywag.  NIKITA.  Ashley.  Yes .. my best friend.

For the first part of my trip ... I flew into Orlando.  For my cousin's wedding.  Actually ... cousinS ... sister's ... getting married in the same week.

I'll blog about those two visits later.

For now ...join me in the story about a rental car.  My rental car.  Rented from the Orlando airport ... from a certain company that rhymes with Shifty.  Picked it up on a Monday ... wedding was on a Tuesday ... and after the wedding I was planning on booking it to Ashley's ... three hours away.... where I would return the car.  No prob.

"Would you like to purchase any coverage today Ms. Wester"

"why would I do that?"


"Okay .. how about the road side assistance for an extra $10"

"why would I do that?"

On my way.  Cute little red Nissan something.  Versa I think.  You know .. the economy.  Cheapest rental you can get.

I left the wedding ... in a little white sundress ... with accents of red.  Flip flops. Need for panties?  Not so much ...  TMI?  Not really ... comes into play later.

Me and my little Nissan Versa hit the road.  ASHLEY HERE I COME!!!

Then I hit a wall.  Of rain.  Actually .. it was more like a Monsoon.  The little wipers couldn't keep up.  But I kept going.  I got some Ash to get to.

Rain slows a bit.  I've got my directions.  Trying to figure out what toll road I get on next (seems all roads in Florida require you to pay to drive on them).  Found my exit.  Horseshoe exit.  Rain has slowed.  To more of a sprinkle.

APPARENTLY the Versa is NOT a BMW.  Noted ... a little too late.

Took the curve a little too quickly ... just a touch.  With tires the size of donuts ... on a wet road ... tried to turn ... the steering wheel was turning.  But the car wasn't.  Here come the plastic markers on the side of the road.  Went through two of those ... down an embankment.  A steep one.  Sideways.  Waiting for this tiny box to flip.  It didn't ... but me and the Versa continued down the slope... sideways... until we finally stopped .. facing the opposite way of traffic.

It's that moment ... after you stop.  That your brain can assess the situation.  Okay Alana.  We are okay.  Where's my phone?  First thought.  You understand.  Radio is blaring.  Turn that off.  Crackers I were snacking on .. are all over that car.  BUT okay Alana .. we are okay. (and found the phone .. yes.  good.)

Until I look up.  Out the window.  Sort of.  Cause I couldn't see much.  For one .. mud COVERED the car.  Up to the windows.  So.  Much.  Mud.  Which is actually a great thing .. because looking back, that soft stuff kept me from flipping.

Another observation... .apparently no one saw me go off the road?  Cause no one stopped.  Then I looked up and realized you couldn't even see my car from the road I was just on. Nice.  Nice.  Nice.

This requires me to actually get out of the car .. wasn't sure what else to do.  I get out .. and step in the mud .. in my flipflops.  And again assess.  That's when the thought of me declining any coverage crept into my thoughts.  Whoopsie.

I groaned out loud.  Did a quick walk around to see what damage I had done.  Couldn't see much more than mud.  The hood had a couple of dings from hitting the markers.  Hmmm ... looking up.  How the HELL was I going to get out of this situation?  I started walking up the hill.  A car finally sees me.  Pulls over to look down at the car and he shakes his head.  Says only a tow truck is going to get me out of that.  I asked him to be positive for me .. and try to direct my wheels to see if I could get out and drive up the hill at an angle.  Another woman stops.  So I get in the car and do some pretty miraculous moves .. back and forth ... sideways ... turning ... a small concrete pad was a nice surprise.  I was able to get out ... thanked them profusely and started on my way again.

I could laugh now.  Looking down at myself.  A bit of a mess.  And I've added an extra hour to my trip.  As I get onto the interstate traffic stops.  Rush hour.  Awesome.  But at that point I'd take rush hour to being in a ditch any day.  Rain is still coming down.  The car dings at me.  Huh?  Look down at the dash and there's a yellow exclamation mark highlighted.  Probably not good.  I keep driving .. at 5 miles an hour.  Traffic lets up.  Feeling funny ... feeling like maybe it's a tire... feeling like maybe I should pull over.

I do.  Get out and assess.  A tire it is.  Completely FLAT.  I get back in the car and contemplate what to do.  It's a flat tire ... at least I'm not stuck in a ditch.  Seeing the rental agreement on the seat beside me I decide to give the road side assistance # a ring.  "oh .. yes .. hmm... seems to me you declined the service .. so can't help ya.  have a great day!"

Hmm...  I just sit for awhile.  Looking around.  Realizing I don't have one freaking clue where I am.  Look in rear view mirror and cops lights are flashing.  Help has arrived.  I had to climb out the passengers seat as he's approaching cause I didn't wanna get hit by a car.  I'm muddy ... and standing there in the rain looking at my car with him ... I'm also wet.  In my cute little white sundress.  Now you get the TMI?  Keep smiling Alana ...

"wow ... looks like you have a flat tire.  and why is your car so muddy?"

Glazed over look... shrug ... "I don't know officer"

"okay ... I'm calling the Road Buddies to come help put the donut on your car"

"officer .. it already has FOUR donuts on the car"

come on .. that was funny.


I was already wet.  Already muddy.  Looking at the car thinking it might be a good idea to run it through the car wash before I turn it in.  Looking at clumps of grass sticking out of the hubcaps and bumpers.  Figured it would be a good idea to get rid of those clumps.  You know .. while I wait.  Did the walk around taking care of business.  Officer makes small talk as I take care of business.  Finally asks me why I'm doing that and wouldn't I be more comfortable getting back in the car?  Of course ..

Road Rangers show up.  Dang .. they were QUICK on that change of a tire.  Flat tire in the trunk ... now I just had to find a tire place to get a new one.  Cute little officer escorted me there.  We became pretty good buddies in that 45 minutes.  At Firestone where they said they could get me right in .. and the tire might just require a patch.  Cool.  So a short .. get you right in .. wait ... turned into a two hour wait.  Gave me time to wash myself up in the oh-so-clean bathroom. And snack on my crackers I had cleaned up from the car. And more time to assess the car.  It actually didn't look so bad.  The rain washed a lot of the dirt off.  Looked at it from behind... there was a nice dent on the side of the bumper in the back.  But I figure you had to be really looking to see it.

"So ma'am .. you'll have to buy a new tire"

"uh - why?  was it like a nail .. a piece of metal?"

"really?  what did you do .. because the entire sidewall is ripped on that tire"

"um .. oh.  whoopsie.. NO clue how that happened"

Purchased a new tire.  Prayed the little car on the rest of the two hour journey. Please no more dings at me ... please no more warning lights.  Just.  Get.  Me.  There.   Made it to Ashley .. a LOT later than what I had expected.

I dropped that car off around 11 at night .. muddy (except for an exceptionally ONE shiny tire).  Decided it wasn't necessary to tell them about the evening I had.  Need to know basis ..I figure.

No one said a word to me.  I guess at two weeks out I'm pretty safe not to get a phone call from the rental company.

                                                        SO THIS WAS A LONG STORY.

And really .. the moral of it would be ...

NEVER EVER EVER EVER BUY A USED RENTAL CAR.                                                        You never know what that damn thing has been through ...