Some changes ...

So the BFF Hayley made this summer ... Courtney.

She changed the course of Hayley's journey in life ... in a matter of weeks.

I'll back up.

It really was a struggle to get Hayley to complete school.  To go to school. To do her school.  To do her homework.  If she could fail a class ... yup .. she would.  I've actually never known someone work as hard as she did to NOT succeed in school.  As in ... how do you fail PE?  Hayley will give you the ends and outs. Simple as ... yeah I chose not to dress out.  Well ... you're not going to pass the class.  Then ... I choose not to dress out.

Oppositional Defiance Disorder.  At. It's. Best.

Okay ... let's get you through school Hayley.  How about you please just pass?  How about can we PLEASE just graduate?

Okay.  Let's give you an EXTRA year in school.  C'mon girl.  Please.

Hayley seems to do things in her own time ... her own way ... on her own path ... there's really no begging pleading reasoning directing this spirit.  She's on her own timeline and ain't no one gonna rush that.

Including me.

At 18 ... I started encouraging college.  Where are you going to go?  What are you going to study?  What are you going to do with your life?  (as in ... what I was really saying was ... you are NOT living here for the rest of your existence) 
Please let's talk about this.  Let's reason.

No mom.  I'm NOT going to college.  Then what are you going to do?  I don't know but not that.  So stop asking me.

These talks went on for a year.  Not budging.  She modeled.  Worked at a tanning salon.  Worked at a jewelry store.  Got in trouble.  Caused me panic attacks.  Made messes in my house.  Wanna go to college now??  MOM - NO!!!!!! 

Then she got a job at Plato's Closet.

Hey mom .. met this cool chick.  Her name is Courtney.  She is my BFF.  I love her.  She's the best thing since sliced bread.  Then Hayley started doing normal girl things ... that she missed out a lot of during high school (draw back from having a serious boyfriend for three years of that time).  I was happy for her.
Courtney ...  goes to school at UNC.  SHE GOES TO SCHOOL AT UNC!!!

Then one day .. Hayley walks in to the kitchen and says ...

"Mom ... listen to this. I've made a decision.  I am going to college.  Isn't that an awesome idea??!!" (I never know during these moments in time to light myself on fire and start running down the street naked ... or have an out of body experience and pretend I'm Martha Stewart .... in this case ... Martha won)

me ... "that is a good thing.  yes dear, that is a good thing" in my best ... calm ...matter-of-fact-Martha voice.

About Hayley.  Once she has an idea.  Or something she wants.  There is NO stopping her.  None.  She WILL get what she wants.  At all costs.

How Hayley?  How?  Can you even get into school?  How will you afford this?  Where will you live?  WHO WILL PAY FOR THIS?

She worked every day on this task.  Doing what she needed to do to get to where she wanted to be. She couldn't get into UNC (where Court goes) ... but there is a community college there in Greeley that she could manage.  She applied.  On her own.  Called counselor's.  Took entrance exams.  Took classes here at the library that she needed to help her get in.  She applied for financial aide.  She figured out what she needed to do to set up classes.  Registered.  Got herself on the college apartment list.  Like a tornado.

There have been some bumps in the road.  But she moved to Greeley in August and started college.  I can't say I'm not proud of her.  Her efforts blow my mind.  She's capable of so much more than she even realizes. She wants to get into the medical field.  In her words ... because people will always get sick .. and besides I've been in enough hospitals ...looks easy enough.

Okay then.

When I moved her up there in August ...I felt like it was any other day.  I was so excited about her new adventure .. I wasn't really sad.  Besides .. it's only a 2 hour drive.  But we got there.  And I helped her unload.  Then I became MEAN.  Of all things ... just plain mean.  Straight out of the movie Mean Girls.  I don't like your furniture Hayley.  Why did you get this?  Where did your taste come from?  It's awful.  Why do you want your bed there?  You'll live like you're in a dungeon.  Are you emo?
This went on for HOURS.  Until she finally broke down and started crying.  Stopped me dead in my tracks.  I blinked.  Then realized what I was doing.  It was so much easier to have bad feelings ... and leave her ... then be sad .. and miss her.  I hugged her.  And said I was sorry.  On my two hour ... late late ride home .. it was then that I allowed myself to feel sad.  I think it was a mixture of sad that I was going to miss her ... and anxious as a new chapter opened in our lives.

... Fast forward a week though.  I am in the kitchen .. look out the window.  And her bug is pulling into the driveway.  What?  She walks in and gives me a hug.  What?  I thought I just took you to college.  And you know ... left you there?!
She laughs .. hugs me ... and reassures me she will be going back.  WHEW!  
For the first month she came home every weekend.  Which made me laugh a little ... we both had to adjust.

I know there will be more surprises from this girl.  And I am also smart enough to know they won't be all good surprises.

But for now.  Right now.  I will exhale...