Been feeling down these last few days.
It started Friday. The marriage counselor. I think I might truly hate her. Here's the latest quote from that session...
her "you know you are a very beautiful woman"
me "thank you?" (not sure where this was going ... but she's never really given me a compliment before so I was cautious. And my instinct was right...)
her "well, on the outside. and I realize that even some of that is fake. but Alana, you are not beautiful on the inside. don't you want to be beautiful on the inside"
First gut reaction was to stand up and scream "F*&% YOU" and walk out .. slamming the door behind me.
But I didn't. I quietly sat and pretended like I was listening to whatever other non sense she had to say. I wasn't listening. I kept looking down at my keys .. and my phone ... and then back to the door ... wishing I had enough courage to get up and walk out.
But I didn't. Cause I'm a coward. Instead ... I did my very best to hold in the tears. I was gonna be damned if I let her see me cry. Insult to injury.
As soon as I got in the car the tears freely flowed. And that was okay .. cause I was alone.
Then I started to think about that saying "truth hurts". And maybe I was so upset over it because there was a piece of it that is true.
So in set my funk.
Until today. I had a last minute lunch (planned .. cancelled .. planned ..) with a few of my girls. Nothing fixes the heart like a good laugh. I told my pitiful story to my buddies. Of course, they threw warm fuzzies my way. I needed it. If nothing else to pull my from my negative attitude.
I think the best perspective on all of this was from Amy K. I think a lot of times my mind gets stuck on the hamster wheel and I can't bring myself to jump off. She said to me "you know Alana .. she's right. She has no clue what you are really like. She doesn't know the Alana we know. She doesn't know the friend you are. What she knows is the person who is in there trying to work out problems and issues. Yes, she may very well get to see the ugly in you. Of course .. it's why you are there."
Well said Amy.
And then we laughed. A lot.
3 comments:
I think your marriage counselor NEEDS counseling!! Amy is right...she doesn't know you like we do...she doesn't see the kinds things you do for others or the encouraging words you share! I know your beautiful inside...and out!!
Sounds like to me that SHE is the ugly person. I would ask her where she went to college and tell her cause I certainly don't want to send my children there cause you are just ignorant!!!!! Thankfully you have some wonderful friends and I'll be praying that whatever "issues" you two are working on are resolved so you don't have to deal with this nitwit!!!
Excellent thoughts, Amy. She's exactly right -- Amy that is. Your shrink on the other hand is a first class, well...I shouldn't type that here...you fill in whatever feels good at the moment, my friend.
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