The smart one ..

Unknown number rolls in on the cell ...  sometimes I play a little game called - okay let's answer and see what this brings ...

And I was up for the game.

"yo"

"hello Ms Wester?"

"yeah?"

"Hi.  This is the principal over here at Flagstone and there's been an issue with your son Eli.  He has been the cause of a fight that broke out after school today.  He didn't actually touch the kid who got beat up but he was the manipulator of the situation"

Silence.  I'm thinking.  A lot of things.  The one word that didn't quite fit the scenario was "manipulator".  If he would have just said "bully" then yeah .. okay.

"okay?"  I wasn't sure what the correct response was.


"well .. I let him go home on the bus today because after the fight broke up and I went to get Eli .. a boy stood up for Eli and said he didn't touch the kid.  But maybe you can talk to him .. get his phone to see any mean texts he's sent ... and see what his story is.  He will need to report to the office immediately when he gets to school tomorrow.  With his phone.  I need to see his phone."

Silence.  I'm thinking again.  That didn't sound right.  He needs his phone?  Nah .. not really .. that's my job.

"okay.  I can do that.  So I just send him to school like normal and tell him to go to the office?  Do I need to bring him in and be there with him when you talk to him?"

"no .. it's not necessary to be there with him.  Just make sure he brings his phone. Most likely he will have in school suspension"

For being a manipulator?  Okay.

Enter Eli about 90 seconds later.  Let's talk son.  What's going on with a fight?  I didn't touch him mom.  Okay .. I get that.  But I need you to tell me what you did wrong.  Because little man, you are in some serious s***.  Spill.  Now.  I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING MOM.  Then give me your phone.  What's on your phone?  Okay.  Well I called D names.  What else?  Well at lunch I said to S we should beat D up.  Cause he's a bad sport mom.  Yeah .. okay ... pretty much not an awesome way to deal with a bad sport.  Normally.  Then what?  Well .. after school S actually jumped on D and started punching him.  And what did you do Eli?  Um .. just stood there.  Okay.  Exhale.  Is D okay?  Like did he bleed .. broken bones ... in a coma?  He's fine.  S got off of D pretty quick after kids called a teacher.

Fast forward to the next day.  I pack Eli up and go to school with him.  Seriously .. don't tell me it's not necessary come with my kid.  We wait for principal.

Hi principal.  Let's talk.  Yes Ms. Wester.  Eli is in a lot of trouble.  He can not call another child names and then plan an attack on the child.  He then gives Eli a piece of paper. To write his "statement" down.  Tears start welling in Eli's eyes.

(Oh and before he starts talking he looks at Eli's wrist and says - that isn't appropriate for school .. take it off.  Looks at me.  What?  I love boobies .. c'mon .. it's for breast cancer.  C'mon. Who doesn't want to support a good cause?  Whatever)

Principal "I'll be right back .. there's an police officer here to talk to Eli"

Silence.  Eli looks at me.  I look confident.  Shrug my shoulders.  It's cool son.  Mom's got this.

Inside "WHAT THE F???  I WAS TOLD I DIDN'T NEED TO BE HERE.  SO THAT MEANS MY BABY WOULD BE TALKING TO A POLICE OFFICER.  ALONE" ... That's BS

In enters officer.

(I didn't realize when I walked into school .. that this cop car in front of the school was for MY kid)

"Hi.  I'm officer so -n-so ... and I'm here to talk to Eli.  This falls under the bully category.  And we have a no tolerance for bullying in schools.  And this is close to mine and the principals heart ... because we were bullied when we were in school"

OH S*** ELI WE ARE DONE.  DONE.  I look at him.  He's still writing.  Hasn't looked up.

"He will probably be charged with two things.  Conspiracy and harassment.  You will have to go to court with him.  But we will talk about a few things first".

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

Enter my mouth  ...

"seriously?  conspiracy?  He doesn't even know the meaning of that word"


"yes Ms Wester .. but he manipulated .. controlled and had someone else execute his plan"

"wait .. hold up.  Eli ... do you know he gets pulled out for special ed classes every day?  You do realize he's really not THAT smart.  I mean .. you're kinda giving him a lot of credit here" ... as I look over at Eli trying his best to write his "statement" ... he can't even spell all the words .. it's even hard to read.  He's no Timothy McVeigh.

That wasn't really getting me anywhere.  Fast.  I started zoning ... as he is droning on and on about policies .. examples ... all I could see was 10 years from now when Eli's in federal prison.  How was I going to fix this?  How was I going to get us out of this situation?


"but wait .. hold up.  I have another son.  Jackson.  Have you met him?  I mean .. he's a great kid.  Like really good .. ask around.  Yeah .. he's pretty much mine.  So I AM a good parent.  I AM.  SWEAR." 


"and anyway Ms. Wester ... as an 11 year old he's responsible for .. "

"WAIT .. he's NINE."

"right .. well he is aware of consequences for his actions.  And at 11 .. "

"nine"  seriously thought I was going to need to pull the birth certificate.

I don't understand.  D used to be Eli's best friend.  For a long time.  S came into the picture.  And actually started coming home from school with Eli.  Enter complication.  And lessons quickly learned.

When S first came to our home ... I wasn't thrilled.  He had long hair.  With highlights.  And earrings.  Two of them.  Large ones.  One step down from gages.  At nine.  Who let's their nine year old do that?  They went outside to play, one of the first days he was over.  S fell outside.  He came in.  I patched him up.  Make sure you show your mom this when you get home though .. okay.  "I don't have a mom".  Oh.  The softer side of me emerged.  Who can live without a mom?  You can't live without a mom.  A mom is needed.  Like air.  Over the course of the next few weeks .. I had S over more and more.  I felt bad.  I wanted him to feel what it was like to have a mom.  He ate dinner with us almost every night.  No one called to check on him.  I took him home when it got dark outside.  No one was offering to come get him.  One day he asked how expensive hockey was.  We chatted about it.  He said his dad wouldn't let him play because it was too expensive.  Again .. my heart.  I felt bad that a child wanted an opportunity to play sports but wouldn't be given that chance.  I took him to practices .. and then to games ... so he could watch and see if that's what he really wanted to do.  I mean .. I could buy him some used skates and he could play around with Eli after practices.  He then was spending the night with us. I really liked S. He was sweet.  He was kind.  He played fair.

Back to problem at hand.  Now I was in principal's office crying.  Explaining this story.  That I thought it would be okay to be-friend S.  If we could have a good influence in his life ... that trumped the initial concerns that I had.

The principal had Eli leave the room.

Do you know anything about S's home life?

No.

Principal's face softened.  The mood in the room drastically changed.  He told me had I not told him what had transpired in the past month .. he would not share any information he was about to share.  It's like a puzzle.  S's stance on the fight is defensive.  He would not admit wrong.  He had every right to beat D up.  It was necessary.  For his quality of life.  Huh?  You see Ms. Wester .. he was defending Eli.  Eli wasn't happy with D.  By telling S he didn't like D .... S was going to do everything in his power to make sure his friendship was solid with Eli.  He had a taste of something he had never had in his life.  He would defend that with all he had.  He wanted a family.  He wanted Eli's family.  If that meant he had to beat D up to keep that intact ... no problem.  D was a wedge.  The end justified the means.

What sucks is that little S lost.  All the way around.  Because as much as I wanted to do good for him in his life ... I can't sacrifice my own son.  Lesson learned ... trying to do things the noble way .. won't always work out for the best.

Heavy silence.  And an exhale.  No more talking about charges.  But Eli did manipulate the situation to his advantage.  I still had to add "but seriously .. he's not that smart" one more time.  For the record.

Eli came back in.  Talked to the officer.  And the principal.  About his actions.  How he was wrong.  What he is going to do to correct his actions against D.  In school suspension it was.  Tears still running down his face.  Eli doesn't cry.  I think he got it.  Not cool to plan fights.  Check.  Don't call names.  Check.

- funny .. when I was 9 and called someone a name ... and was caught ... I would have to apologize and everyone moves on.  Being arrested wasn't in the equation.  Times have changed.  Just a little.

But two days later I get another phone call...

"Ms. Wester.  Hi.  Um ... I hate to tell you this but Eli is in trouble again."

SERIOUSLY??? Now what??

"well .. on the way in to school today he said out loud to anyone who would listen 'wouldn't it be funny if D fell into the bee bush?' .. so he will be spending every recess and lunch in the office with me for the next week" 

in almost a whisper I replied ... "I told you so .. he's not that smart."  

And he's 9. Not 11.  But I guess that's not really important anyway.