The good mom ... and bad movies ...

Hey mom - can Hayley take us to the movies?

Yes.

Can she take all of our friends too?

Yes.

It's a scary movie.  Is that okay?

Yes.

It's rated R.  How about that?

Well.  What is it?

Paranormal Activity 3

Uh .. sure.

An hour later ...

Hayley "well... I can't get them in even though I'm 18.  Someone over the age of 21 actually has to buy the tickets.  I asked a random guy if he would buy them and he said no."

Jerk.

Next day..

Hey mom - can YOU take us to the movies and buy the tickets?

Yes.

Can you take all our friends too?

Yes.

Do their parents know I am against-the-law-buying-movie tickets for them?

Yes.

Load up.

Get to the theater.

Ma'am .. you do realize you have to buy a ticket for yourself too right?

Yeah sure kid.

Ma'am .. you do realize you have to actually go to the movie WITH them.

Like sit there?  With them?  Like I HAVE to WATCH the move WITH them?

Yes.

8 kids staring at me.

OMGosh.  In my head ... be strong girl ... you can do this .... BUT I CAN NOT ... IT'S A SCARY MOVIE!!!!!  Panic.  In my head.  Smile.  Buy tickets.  Come children ...

Sit down.  I'm looking all around.  Hayley looks at me and says "you can NOT leave mom.  Do NOT get up and leave"

C'mon Eli you are my decoy ... we are going to get popcorn.  You will walk back in with the popcorn, but without me.

Walk out.  There are TWO movie workers STANDING right there to the movie theater room.  Seriously??  They say "he's with you right?"  Uh yeah.  "well okay .. you have to stay with him"

OMGosh!!!  It's like the theater police and I'm freaking trapped.

Popcorn and decoy did not work.  Got popcorn ... I glare as we walk past them back into the theater room. They are evil.  Part of the scary movie .. it's all a package deal.

Sit down again.  Look around.  Hands get sweaty.  Previews start.  OMG... the previews are even scary.  Me looking back and around again.  Hayley "mom .. quit it!  you are fine .. chill... you aren't leaving.."

I CAN NOT DO THIS.  Start panicking .. movie is starting.  Can't do it.  I hunch down .. practically crawl to the aisle.  Sneak down the ramp.. out the door.  Where they are STILL standing.  I gotta pee I say ... never-mind the keys in my hand.

I go to the bathroom.  Stay and linger.  In the bathroom. Wash my hands three more times.  Peek out the door.  Still there.  Then I realize the bathroom extends to the other side of the theater.  Sweet 8lb baby Jesus thank you.  I do a quick exit ... stage left.  Out the side door.  Ran to my car.  Shut.  Lock.

Seriously.  I'm almost 40.  As a teenager I had to sneak IN to the movies.  As an adult I am sneaking OUT.

Something is wrong with me.

But the underage children really enjoyed the movie.  You're welcome.  But I aint doing that again.

Ever.