Sunday, June 1, 2014

Shut up .. it snows in Colorado?

Every single year .. without fail ... I have tons of pics on my Iphone from when it snows.

Like why?

Is this a shock?  Am I surprised every time this occurs?

I wake up.  Look out.  OH MY GOSH HOLY BATMAN BALLS IT SNOWED!!!!!  Lemme get my phone. Documentation.  






Oh my gosh.  Those pictures were like .... so ... shockingly ... similar to every other December.

Right.

One would assume after 7 years ... I could just be able to move beyond that thought process.

But nope.  Can't do it.  Snow.  It SNOWED! GRRRRRRRRR ...

Although ... this year ... has been the first year since living here that I haven't gone into a deep anxious depression over the snow.  Oh no.  Here it comes.  Oh great.  I might die.  What if I have to drive in it? What if it's like really cold?  What if I can't warm up? What if I have carpool and it's snowing?  Does saline freeze?  What if my boobs get so cold, they freeze? Then burst. Like they are so close to my heart .. then my heart freezes ... THEN I DIE!

Anxiety every year.

I was proud of myself this winter.  I really took a moment to think about my unnatural fear of snow. The conclusion I came up with was that the underlying anxiety came from .. driving in it.  I have had so many close calls.  So many freak out moments.  In the car.  Sliding.  Not knowing if I was going to be able to stop.  My heart in my throat.  Arms and hands shaking.  Grabbing the wheel tighter.  Sitting up closer. Radio off.  ** Rant - ever notice that anytime something gets intense in the car, the radio is the first to go?  You can't find your way or trying to figure directions out.  Radio off.  It's raining hard.  Radio off.  It's snowing .. you might slide.  Radio off.  Like the car might not slide if you aren't listening to music ... or music is going to cause you to miss your turn.  OH MY GAWD ... I'm in Kansas because I got lost ... mostly because the radio was on.  Actually .. that could happen.  Never mind.

So anyway .. with that mystery solved ... I tried to fix the underlying problem.  Snow.  Panic.  Driving. Snow tires.  I needed snow tires.

Call BMW ...drive in.  Hey my favorite hook up beamer cutie guy ... I need snow tires.  Gimme a good deal.  Because whatever you quote me ... I don't wanna pay that.  He knows what's up.  But this time looks at me like I'm three headed alien.  He actually tells me I do NOT need snow tires. Wha???  I have to.  I live in Colorado.  And I might die.  No Alana, you drive an xdrive .. all wheel drive .. and these are all weather tires you have on.  You don't need them.  Trust me.
Fine.  He actually talked me into that bulls*** logic.
Well.  A week later.  It snowed.  I naturally freak out.  I naturally had to drive in it.  Naturally I slid maybe like a cm.  But still.  It was real.
Drove right back to my "dealer".  Gimme tires.  Now.  Now.  Now.  No, really Ms Wester (remember Steven we had this talk ... call me by that one more time and I'll cut half your tongue off - just half .. the whole thing would be uncalled for) .. you don't need them.  Listen to me ... I drive a 3 series.  My sister drives a 3 series. If I thought for one second my sister would be safer in snow tires... she would have them.
Fine.  I leave.  Like the trusting soul I am.  Idiot.  Again.  But really ...what dealership refuses a $1000 sale TWICE?  He's not a good "dealer".
Well.  Guess what?  Yeah.  It snowed again.  Again ... I drive.  Again ... I think I felt a slide.
ANGRY drive back to my "dealer".
LOOK ME IN THE EYEBALL STEVEN.  PUT THEM ON RIGHT THIS SECOND. AND I WANT A GOOD DEAL. AND A COOL LOANER.  DO IT. NOW.

So my new adventure in the snow began.  I really felt like I had super powers.  I am here to tell you that if you live in a place where it snows for the entire winter .. and you have carpool ... YOU NEED SNOW TIRES.  Probably the best thing that's ever happened in my life.  Okay... so best thing that's ever happened in my life while driving in the snow.  It was miracle making.  I woke up ... saw snow... and was like OH YEAH BRING THAT BITCH.

So this year .. I calmed the freak WAY down.  Was cool watching it snow ... and finding peace with it. We are out of milk?  That's okay ... super bad ass wonder - snow tires sportin' - wonder mom has that under control.

What I do find funny every winter ... is Jack.  Jack my other son.  He wears shorts every damn day.  I didn't see him in pants once this winter.  THIS is the way you roll in the winter if you've got swag ...




Then again ... here's how Eli takes out the trash in the dead of winter ...


Carry on Colorado.  Because in Castlewood Ranch ... we don't roll like bosses ...more like - executives.

2 comments:

Natalie said...

Lol!!! I want snow tires too! Glad you showed Steven who was boss. Yeesh. Love your boys.

Niu Ma said...

so pretty