I figure if I don't blog some of the crap that happens in my life .. it may be forgotten some day. Some experiences, although I would like to forget them, just shouldn't be lost in a memory.
Mostly, I need Hayley not to forget this. Someday.. someday (hopefully - please, please come true) she will have a daughter of her own. Someday .. someday, she may even be sorry for the pain she's caused me through the years. Someday, she may even thank me for being her mother.
Until then, I shall blog. Until then, I will continue to live through these painful times called 'teenage years'. You know, I have read that a teenager's brain isn't fully developed. They are still working on critical thinking/reasoning skills. Still in premature form though. I have to keep in mind that she's a big two year old. Her tantrums are the same .. just they last for days instead of minutes. Sometimes I get lost in arguments and I have to remember to stop because I can never ever win a verbal disagreement with her. She throws out butterflies and I get lost trying to chase them....
So this brings me to Friday night/Sat morning. It starts after school. She texts me to 'remind' me that she's not riding the bus home. She and a friend and the current boyfriend are walking to her ex-boyfriend's house to drop off memories to him (jacket, letters ... etc). Again .. clearly she is still working on 'skills'. Why bring her current boyfriend to do this? I don't follow logic. Nor should I try to follow. It was a ding and ditch effort. An hour passes and I text her to ask where to pick her up.
"Do NOT come get me. We are at the park. Do NOT come get me. We just ordered pizza".
???
When I see don't come get me .. that really means to get in the car NOW. I drive to the neighborhood. Driving slowly because it's a mystery to where this 'park' is. Thankfully I spot her long lean legs and blond hair with her two pals. Right off the main street. In a driveway they are standing. In a driveway? In a driveway? This is not making sense. I pull up and ask the stupid question "why are you standing in a driveway and do you know who's house this is?". "Moom (duh).. we got hungry, we ordered the pizza but had to have an address to have it delivered. No, we don't know who lives here". Behind me as we speak .. the pizza hut delivery guy with no teeth pulls up. Boyfriend pays for pizza. Honestly, I didn't know if I should just blow my top or laugh. I do neither .. it's more like shock. Can you imagine the people that live in that house .. not to mention these are million dollar homes. Three teenagers hanging out ... now a car with an irate woman ... and a beat up pizza delivery vehicle. I made them get in the car before the cops showed up. (as the boyfriend says "hang on, I gotta call my parents to make sure it's okay I go home with you" seriously?? like did you get permission for the past two hours of nonsense??).
"Meanwhile, back at the ranch (Castlewood Ranch that is) ..." ... I have Bunko that night. I love Bunko nights. Once a month I so look forward to getting away from life. To laugh, genuinely ... to forget my worries and focus on fun that can only be had with seriously funny girlfriends. A much needed break from reality. I get re-charged on these nights. Usually going home with my stomach hurting from too much laughter and food that I overindulge in. Soul enrichment.
These three stay at my house to babysit while I am gone. Everyone was still alive when I got home around 10:30 that night. They announce they do not want to stay at our house but go to the other friend's house now. The friend's mom (thank you Robin!) comes to the rescue to pick them up to take them to her house. Hayley plans on just spending the night there.
Self "okay self, it is late ... and you have to get up early to run a race tomorrow. exhale. let's go to bed."
12:45 am. (a whisper) "mom, hey mom, wake up ... I'm home. I didn't want to spend the night after all. and don't worry .. I locked up everything downstairs. stay in bed."
EYES OPEN WIDE. "Stay in bed??". Internal alarm. Now I'm up. Downstairs the boyfriend is all tucked in on the couch, ready for the night. WHAT??? Hayley, "what mom, he's just going to spend the night here tonight .. I'll sleep in your bed with you". OH HECK NO!! Why is it that she looks at me like I am the one who lost my mind?? I almost, almost start chasing the butterflies she's spitting out.. I almost, almost begin to consider what was really wrong with him sleeping here. Then I snap out of it.
Get dressed. Get the boyfriend. Take him home at 1:15am. Back home at almost 2am. Can't get to sleep. Thinking about the race I had so looked forward to. Mind and body are just really awake at this point. Can't go to sleep.
Don't run the race.
I love her. I really do. But can't I close my eyes and open them when she's 22 ... when her mind is clear .. when her brain is fully developed .. when butterflies are beautiful again?
5 comments:
Oh man. Those teenage years frighten me. You have good handle on it!
Ohhh I am so thankful my oldest is a boy and not my little girl!!!!! You are making me appricate these younger years even more!!!!!!
Oh man Alana, I can just imagine this playing out. Hang in there, you're doing great and wait until her dad gets home and I guarantee they'll be no boys tucked in on the couch! haha. Seriously, you have a good handle on this even if you think you don't!
This is why you start having kids at a young age, so you can deal with the hoopla they throw at you in their teen years. Can you imagine being in your 50s and dealing with something like that????
You're going to make it and so is she. No worries. You and Mom made it. :D There is light at the end of the tunnel!
The boys will be easier. Just teach them that girls have nasty germs until they get home from their missions. :D
oh man.. I so love reading about your adventures. If anything, you'll be able to look back at these memories and laugh-especially with the teenager "rational thinking". At least she came and told you what was goign on instead of you coming downstairs and seeing him on the couch when you are half naked or something. :) Keep going.. :)
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