Less wise .. and a black eye ...

So .. one day I crack a tooth.  Wait a week.  Cracks some more.  Wait a week.  Then there's pain.  Go to my  dentist.


"Oh .. this is in your upper wisdom tooth.  It's better to just have that pulled.  So make an appt with the oral surgeon"  

Why can't you just pull them?  I'm sitting here.  Already have the pink bib on.  Just yank em out.


"no .. no .. we can't do that.  An oral surgeon does because it's so close to the sinus cavity .. "

Blah blah blah.  Fine.  Just let me up.

Call on the way home.  Get a quick appt for the next week.

"do you want to be sedated Ms. Wester or just go with local?"

Pause.  I wonder if she will be impressed with what I'm about to say.

"nah.  I'll just go with local.  cause I'm kind of a bad ass .. and have a reputation to uphold"

She didn't even laugh.  Whatever.

So me and my bad ass show up for the appointment.

Why can't anything in my life just go smoothly.  Sit down.  Get some shots.  Pull it out.  Go home.

But first for my appt ... I hear some talk behind the desk about some power outage.  Then some internet problems with modem.  Then oh the xray machine doesn't work.  Still doesn't work.

They take me down the hall to an orthodontist to see if they can borrow theirs.  Closed today.  Okay .. down another hall to pediatric dentist.  They are open.  Yes we can use machine.  Wait .. looks like ours is broken too.  But we can fix it.  Sit in waiting room.  Watched 101 Dalmatians.  Two kids kept staring at me. What?  I'm just a big kid.  Sink in my chair.  Watch the fish in the aquarium.

Finally get xray.  Now we are 45 min behind schedule.

Sit in chair.  Dentist surgeon guy comes in.  Gets his shots ready.  I'm a bad ass did you know that?  I'm going to drive myself home even.  Stop talking and open your mouth.  Pinch.  More pinch.  More needles.  Wiggle the cheek.  Step back to talk to me.  I'm feeling numb.  Really numb.  He looks at me like I have five heads.  What?  I mumble thinking I know I'm numb and probably look retarded.  "she needs some ice" .. they leave.  I whip out my phone because WTH?  I turn camera on so I can see myself.  OMG - WTH??

It's just a hematoma Ms. Wester.  It'll be fine.  Just keep ice on it.  And massage it.  Often.  How long will it last?  Comes out more as a mumble.  Just a few days.  A FEW FREAKING DAYS???  JUST???  Assistant says ... funny .. I've been doing this for 20 years and have only seen this happen twice.

It's me.  Should have warned them.  "but don't worry .. it's not a big deal .. it's like a blood blister"
OH MY GOD .. will my face turn colors????  mumble .. but louder mumble.  "no .. no .. no ... it's on the inside.  You'll be fine.  Just will swell .. but that's it.  Lay back .. we have teeth to get out"

About 90 seconds later it's done. Now be on your way.  I get up.  Stumble.  Why if I only had shots in my face is it affecting my brain?  Pay.  Get to car.  Okay .. I got this.  Right.  Cause you're a bad ass remember. I look in the mirror.  That is one sorry looking bad ass.

I put the car in reverse.  Look ahead.  Everything is double.  There are two stop signs.  Pull back into spot.  Holy s***.  I can't see.  Sit there.  Contemplate my situation.  Do I go back in?  No.  Hell no.  Okay.  Let's just sit for a few.  But I still have to go get pain meds.  And get home.  And home is 30 min away.  I look around.  Notice that if I tip my head back I can see clear.  AND bonus .. if I cover one eye I can see.  But as soon as I looked straight, it was all over.

I prayed the whole way home.  For no one to get in my way.  Please.  I had to walk into Target to get my meds with my head held back.  Who's the idiot?  I wished I had a hat.

So there wasn't a lot of pain afterwards from the actual procedure.  Mostly from the hematoma.  Awesome. But that night something interesting happened.  My eye was turning black.  And the next day worse ... the next day even worse .. three days later I looked like I had been in a bad fight.  And lost.  My face was swollen .. eye was black .. cheek was purple.  No ... no .. no ... your face won't turn colors.

Right.

By that night I looked like this ... (warning ... these remind me of mug shots where some white trash girl has to go to jail for getting into a fight at the bar)

Day #2 ...

Day #3 ...

Day #4... 

Day #5 ... starting to bruise on the cheek as well.  Mind  you .. none of this is from the actual wisdom teeth getting pulled.  

Day #6 .. still super swollen ...

Day #7 .. the pain had mostly gone away .. I just looked like I'd been beat.  Because there was minimal pain at this point, I had to keep asking myself, why is everyone freaking staring at me?  oh yeah.  

Day #14 (two weeks later, mind you)... it's hard to look pretty with a black eye.  Even clean hair doesn't distract.

And today .. #19 ... there's still evidence of the black eye.  This has been the slowest healing thing ever.

But here's a lesson learned that I will share.  In every experience there is a lesson to be had, correct?

Mine is ... ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS choose sedation when getting wisdom teeth removed.  NEVER EVER EVER choose the bad ass way.  Because you could end up looking like me.  And although, some could arguable say that the eye was pretty bad ass looking ... so so so NOT worth it!

(oh .. but do you think I can check  "getting punched in the face" off my bucket list?  It totally counts .. right?)