Tough Mudder 2013

Come on Alana!

It'll be fun Alana!

Do it with me Alana!

It's not like it's really that hard Alana!

We will have such a BLAST!

Remember how I said two years ago that I'll never do that stupid Tough Mudder again?

I must really love a girl named Tracy.  Because I said I would.  With her.  Because we love each other. And we are bad ass.  I mean .. we do body rock every single day.  People do this race ALL THE TIME and they aren't even in the shape we are.

Yeah.  Let's do it.

For.  Real.

What in the hell ... was ... I ... thinking ....

Started off as a gorgeous day.  You know .. because all race days do.

I mean ... look at us here.  All happy.  And smiley.  And it's so warm.  And we are feeling good.  You know .. the calm before the storm.

We "ran" with a group of people from the gym.  Because it's really not about the individual as much as it's about the team.  Clearly you can see from this pic ... we are SO team players ...

yes ... that would be us....up and off to the side... looking like we were photo-shopped into the photo.

And then ... the race ... started.

First up was crawling under barbed wire ... in the mud ... the cold mud ... with these electrical wires hanging down that would shock the piss out of you with any wrong move.  Which was every move really.

After that obstacle.  That being the first one ...and waiting and waiting for the rest of the group to finish ... we looked at each other and Tracy makes the comment that surely we can find some random guy to help us if we really need it.  So true to being team players .. we bolted.

To run ... and run ... and keep running ...

An obstacle here and there .. not really a huge deal.  Some mud.  Big deal.  Saw some cool people. Some weird people.  Walls were high.  But boys were big.  Please (batting of the eyes) will you help us over?  We "lost" our team.

So not horribly hard ... yet.

But ... (isn't there always a but)

THEN IT STARTED RAINING.

I don't mean .... just like a sprinkle.  I mean ... full out FREAKING COLD RAIN.  Lightening.  The whole deal.  Our bodies were fine at first .. but it continued.  More obstacles.  Shaking uncontrollably.  At one point ... Tracy and I had to hold on to each other.  While running.  Miserably cold.  Trying anything we could to get warm.  Holding on to each other on one side of the body .. then switching. We couldn't stop shaking.  Passing people who looked like they were truly dying .. but in survival mode - there was no stopping .. no asking if they were okay.  Keep moving.  It's closer to the finish line which was FOREVER away.  Climbing hills.  Every freaking obstacle had water .. mud ... It felt like a brutal beating that wasn't ever going to end.  I had no shame.  By mile 7 my hands were fully inside my pants ... trying to keep warm.  Anything.  Anything.

Just for a visual ... this is what it looked like .. (looks toasty warm for June right?)...

Towards about mile 9 (out of 12) ... the rain started to die down.

But by that time our body's had taken such a shocking beating.  Tracy had this alien knot trying to work it's way out of her calf.  Brought her to her knees at one point.  Entire calf ... seized.  It was like a scene from a sci fi movie.  My knees ... oh my knees.  Perhaps my first mistake was not training for the race at all.  As in no running.  Nope ... why would I train to run .. I mean - it was only 12 miles.  Peanuts.  Enter knees.  My knees haven't ever bothered me.  But around that mile 9 I could no longer go DOWN hill facing forward.  I wanted to crawl.  I felt my body failing me.  My knees just didn't want to work.  I went down the hills backwards.  Which is weird .. but it's the only way I could do it without crawling.

The last three miles ... I will say ... were brutal on the body.  Actually .. it wasn't as bad as when we were in the freezing rain.  But because of the beating through the cold ... by the end of the race our body's were on simple survival mode.

I don't even remember the last few obstacles.  My mind wasn't there any more.  It's like everything was numb.  I wanted it over.  My body was begging.  They say the mind is actually the first thing to go ... that as long as your mind is still in the game your body will follow.  I don't even know if I buy into all that bull.  If your body is physically failing ... it's awfully hard to have your mind keep control.

Then. The last obstacle was the electric shock.  Really .. by that point ... didn't even faze us.  Oh .. it's a shock.  Oh ... keep moving.  Mind numbing one foot in front of the other.

We crossed the finish line.  And at that point .. I didn't even care how long it took ... how fast we did it in ...  Just two things.  I crossed the starting line.  And I crossed the finish.  It was so odd ... and maybe this is where the "mind" thing enters.  The moment we crossed that line ... we. fell. apart. Shivering uncontrollably.  I couldn't hardly walk.  Literally ... we found a bathroom.  Stripped down.  No shame ... and physically crawled into the sink.  Trying to get any kind of warmth from the warm water.  Crazy.  I remember stopping for a second to take in the scene.  And thinking - I did this and I paid good money to do.  WHAT THE F IS WRONG WITH ME????????

NO.  I'm not paying $29.95 for another memory of misery.  

All in the name of being "team players" we also didn't stick around to wait for the rest of the team to finish.  Had no idea when they crossed the line.  It became individual find me the car and get me the hell home.

after seat warmers 

I think our final time was around 3 1/2 hours.  Which seemed more like 3 1/2 days.

MARK.  MY.  WORDS.  It will never EVER EVER happen again.  Call me a complete baby.  Wimp.  I don't even care.  It may have been a "fun challenge" to many many people.  Not to this girl.  Why be tortured ... when you know ... I don't have to be!

Life is all about choices.  Won't be making this one again ...

(guess what I'm thinking here ...)

The end.  Over.  Finished.  #neveragain